Young professionals debate: Sending parents to a home: A necessity or absconding?

We are living in a modern world whereby young professionals are so engrossed in building their careers and concentrate on their small family that they tend to send their parents to old-age homes. An issue that is not only controversial but also not welcomed by many people. Young professionals debate on this issue. Various old-age residential homes have opened in Mauritius. Some of them provide basic services while others are highly luxurious. Many young people tend to seek the help of homes when they move abroad or when they travel too often. For many people nowadays, a home is a necessity as it helps to keep old people safe, instead of letting them live alone in their house.   

Naveen Rughobur: “Homes have become a necessity”

Naveen Rughobur says that people nowadays look for an escape from every problem they might face. “When it comes to parents, the tendency of putting them in homes has been increasing at an alarming rate. People do not have time for their parents nor for themselves and therefore looking after their parents is considered as an additional burden. We live in a materialistic world and the thirst for a better life, a better job as well as money is real. Since people’s wants are unlimited, they become selfish. In doing so, people do not have time to care for their parents. In this context, putting parents in homes has become a necessity. We must not forget that we are not surrounded by saints only. What I am trying to say is that there are also some types of people who just naturally want to get rid of their parents. One possible reason might be because their parents were too strict in their childhood and now they feel the need to kick them out as soon as possible and feel free.  The upbringing here is questionable because personally no matter how strict or bad parents were, they are the reason why we are born. In looking for freedom, people may lose their dear ones forever.”

Vanessa Tandrayen: “This is not human”

Vanessa does not encourage the recourse to homes for elderly citizens. “It is not easy to deal with professional life, but if we omit the joy and love of a family for just a few minutes of peace, then this is not human. We can never support the idea of sending them to a home. If special care is needed, you may think about hiring a caregiver at home, meanwhile your parents will be with the family. Your parents took care of you ever since you were born, taught you how to walk, shower and grow up as a responsible adult and they have filled your life with their love and patience.”  

Moozafar Cheergally: “This is a completely wrong mindset”

Moozafar Cheergally avers that the lives of youngsters have changed drastically. “Busy making their own career, busy with their own lives; most of them have developed a wrong perception about their parents. They believed that by staying with their parents under the same roof, they will not be able to make any progress as expected in life. This is a completely wrong mindset. Young people must realise that our parents have seen life more than us and is way more experienced than us. In every person’s life, there are ups and downs. Only the good advice of our parents will make us feel better and will help us to move forward in life.”

Jevina Comaren: “Absurd and ludicrous”

20-year old Jevina explains that putting parents in homes seems absurd and ludicrous, as they once were those who cared, loved and nurtured us and now brutally sending them away is akin to being ungrateful. “This tendency appears to be sustained as today life encourages such practices through insurance policies, various medical coverage and life-long health care financial plan options. It is gaining prominence, sadly, with the intolerance of whimsical young people and their modern traditions often denying them of any compassion. A lot of old people are fearful of being ‘dumped’ by their offspring in homes and this breeds considerable stress amongst our senior citizens in the community.”

She further argues that modern life can be overwhelming but resorting to homes, young people must ignore their guilt as old people require a structured and daily scheduled environment which a home provides. “With professional commitments, young people cannot be full-time caregivers. Also the logistics of a home care guarantees greater security in case of an emergency. The co-existence of three generations residing in the same house with mingled living patterns and the stubborn behaviour of parents can considerably cause emotional and financial strains. Yet, some horrendous children use ‘being busy’ as a petty excuse. It is one a child’s obligation to affectionately care for parents while many amazing alternatives exist like: getting them to move in. Some ungrateful children, unabashedly, neglect their parents who raised them and assign the responsibility of their care to a complete stranger. With a diversity of financial plans and insurances, parents are promptly sent off to caring centres if children feel they are a burden. The harsh reality is that children are ready to pay to get rid of their old mother or father.”

Sounaina Goburdhun: “Homes ensure safety”

Sounaina states that in this era of modernisation, individualism has gradually seeped into our culture. “With our nine-to-five job, we barely have time for our old parents, especially when the demands for caring for them become more overwhelming as they age. We start considering the various options available. It is an undeniable fact that aged parents often suffers from depression due to feelings of isolation, having to endure a day of boredom at home during our absence. On the other side of the coin, they can have a greater sense of belonging in nursing homes while being in the company of their peers with whom they can share life experiences and other similar interests. This is more definitely stimulating than watching television all day. Some old persons are often targets of emotional, physical or financial abuse by their own offspring. Putting them into homes can ensure their safety instead of allowing them to be ill-treated by their own family members solely for financial gains.”

She further adds that “it has indeed become a necessity to leave old parents into nursing homes but that does not mean that they are being abandoned. A visit must be paid to them at least once a week. Moreover we can do some extra little things such as bringing in their favourite food, help them settle in and make new friends. In short, make the nursing home their new comfortable home. So next time when the feeling of guilt starts taking over, remember that you have done all that you can and keep the faith that you have chosen the best option for their welfare after weighing the pros and the cons.”

Waheez Kaudeer Mohammad: “Communication is a must”

Waheez says that  the tendency of putting parents in homes is because elderly people are becoming more and more isolated and youngsters have less and less patience in handling them or adjusting. “Sending parents away to homes as young people are busy in their lives is not a must or necessity, it’s only a way to get rid of old parents and be free. If the parents are being placed in homes, it is all a result of the upbringing and culture that they have given to the child. Parents should not enforce their ideas and avoid interfering in youngsters’ matters... Since childhood, the parents should develop mutual understanding so that later at an elderly stage, both can cooperate and the child will not even dream of sending his parents to a home. There should always communication between parents and child.”

Padaruth Ravichan: “Our parents must be our priorities”.

Ravichand argues that our parents cared for us and now, as they age, it is natural that we care for them. As care needs increase, we are faced with more decisions. Many of us promised in good faith, back when our parents were healthy, that we wouldn’t ever put them in a nursing home. That would be abandoning them. We pledge to care of them until they die. Our parents have done a lot for us and we must care and give them the required attention. As such, with our busy schedule of everyday work nowadays, we neglect our parents. I think our parents must be our priorities and we should find time for them. For sure, our parents should live with us until they die and we should avoid putting them in a home. Therefore, if we can find time for our lives and pleasure why not for our parents. We do not know what lies in the future; we should hope for the best and be side by side with our parents in good as well as bad times.”