Good governance in Dodoland

My dear Billy, Isn’t it a pity that all the people who know how to run the country, and who certainly can, are busy running hairdressing salons, snack bars and taxi marrons? Some others are employed as office attendants. Today, I would like to tell you of a sister island in the ocean, my dear Billy, which possesses all the characteristics, qualities, traits, peculiarities and features of our own paradise island in the sun. In fact, Dodoland and Mauritius are like two drops of dew on the morning banana leaf, and the rulers of these two countries are like twin brothers. It is a long held myth that Mauritius and Dodoland were once Siamese twins but were eventually separated through the combined effects and the joint influences of the Moon, Mars and Venus, although our local historians, depending on the language in which they write or speak, are divided as to the exact planets and their numbers. But who rules Dodoland? Having copied the Mauritian Constitution, despite strict reprographic and stringent copyright laws which are seldom, if ever, applied, in all its length and breadth, they too do often boast of a Westminsterian form of government and a Mauritian style of democracy which some blessed and knowledgeable souls define as government of demons, by demons, for demons. And as in Mauritius, they have a Prime Minister, one Deputy of Minister, two Vice-Prime Ministers, a full cabinet of Ministers, a number of Private Parliamentary Secretaries, one Leader of the Opposition with a few opposition parties divided by the same principles, although one or two are more loyal than the others, and those hankering after a form of coalition or association with the ruling party in a hopeful bid to grab a few seats in the next Legislative Assembly. There are also a number of MP’s on both sides of the House which is endowed with more than two sides. There is one Speaker who, by the very nature of her function, keeps speaking all the time in a desperate attempt to bring our Honourable representatives to order. She has been afforded the services of one deputy who waits for the Speaker to be absent in order to slip into her shoes. On top of them all is the President of the Republic of Dodoland who has her offices in a place called “Reduced”. She too has a vice. Going through the above list, you would have got the impression that Dodoland was a country of many vices. But you would be rightly wrong, my dear Billy. And probably right too. Because, like Mauritians, the people of Dodoland have the virtue of possessing many vices. You would also have thought that Dodoland was a country ruled by its official and sworn rulers, duly elected and paid by the people for that purpose. Wrong again. While the PM, his deputy and vices, his Private Parliamentary Secretaries and backbenchers and all that jolly gang make a semblance of ruling the place, the actual rulers are perched elsewhere. They are scattered all over the island, from Cape Poverty in the south to Pouyac in the north, and from the Beauty Bog in the West to Slick ‘n’ Slack in the east. They are people who make all the plans, schemes, programmes, projects of what the government should be and should not be doing, mostly in their personal, selfish interests. They often make their voices heard too, courtesy the private radios, and educate the whole population on how it deserves to be governed. You will encounter them all over the island, in the markets, in bars, in boardrooms, in sales, in supermarkets, in school and college staff rooms, but mostly in headquarters of trade unions convincing themselves and their members that the official government is made up of a bunch of nincompoops who don’t know the difference between this and that, and that the business of government should be bequeathed to the able hands of the trade union leaders. Not many years ago, another category of dynamic rulers had raised their beautiful heads, my dear Billy. Responding to the appellation of SBL, or Sale By Levy, their programme for the coming years and beyond, was for the government to pay back all sums borrowed by any bona fide citizens of Dodoland. Before the SBL there was the TMM, the Taxi Marron Militants, and the MA , also known as the Marchands Ambulants. These two groups usually take turns to hold their meetings on the premises of the Municipality of Port Louis. Then there are those who want bats to be reckoned as a particularly special species. This group has emerged together with its ready-made opposition party, the anti-bats. You will have understood, my dear Billy, that Dodoland is a country with a 1.3 million potential Prime Ministers and as many ministers of Finance and other ministers. Want to visit Dodoland, my dear Billy?