[Blog] WHY DO OUR LEADERS LOVE RAMU KAKAS?

By Javed Bolah

Close your eyes. Smell that?

That's the aroma of over-boiled chai, stale incense, and decades of unwashed loyalty.

Meet Ramu Kaka.

He's the loyal family servant from every Bollywood tearjerker. The one who glides in with a steaming tea tray – professional nodder who knows exactly where the spare keys are and where the bodies are buried.

Except, in Mauritius, our political and business leaders have turned him into the gold standard of recruitment.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth – they’re not stupid for doing it.
They’re strategic.

REASON 1 – LOYALTY OVER BRAINS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

A Ramu Kaka will never, ever sell you out.

He won't leak to the press. He won't testify honestly to a commission of inquiry. He won't accidentally fix a problem so well that you look useless.

A qualified outsider might do all three before breakfast. So the leader chooses the man who can hold a tray and his tongue.

You could tell him: “Ramu, we just laundered Rs50 million through a fake deal.”

Ramu doesn't blink. Doesn't sweat. He just tilts his head, adjusts the tray, and says: “Ji Huzoor. Should I add extra ginger to your tea? The ginger is very fresh today.”

That is loyalty you can’t buy.

REASON 2 – CONTROL IS EASIER THAN MANAGEMENT

Managing competent people is exhausting. They argue. They ask for clarity. They want to see the documents.

Ramu Kaka asks for nothing – except the occasional arm “Beta” from the Leader’s lips. No stress. No HR complaints. No resignation letter.

REASON 3 – PATRONAGE BUILDS AN ARMY

Every Ramu Kaka knows, deep in his bones: “I am nothing without the Boss.”

So he spends his life repaying that debt – with interest.

He arranges endless cups of chai during elections. He fans the Leader with a palm leaf. He ensures that Chote Malik – the Leader's precious son or protégé, whose only known skill is changing Instagram filters – gets a contract worth more than your house.

Once, Chote Malik tugged Ramu Kaka’s sleeve and asked:
"Uncle… what is a balance sheet?"

Ramu Kaka patted his head – tap, tap – and replied with a warm, wheezy laugh: “Beta, a balance sheet is what we pay the auditor to sign without reading. Now finish your mango juice.”

Both laughed. The country cried.

REASON 4 – FEAR OF BEING OUTSHONE

This is the funniest and saddest reason.
So funny it hurts. So sad you choke.

Deep down, many leaders are terrified of competence.

Because a brilliant subordinate might accidentally:

    Fix a problem the Leader has ignored for years
    Win public praise that should have gone to the Leader
    Make the Leader look useless

So they surround themselves with Ramu Kakas instead.

Ramu Kaka will never outshine the Boss.
He will never win a standing ovation.
He will never give a press conference where journalists ask him for opinions.

A technocrat once suggested a plan to save Rs 500 million.

He was transferred to an office with no windows and one flickering tube light.

Meanwhile, Ramu Kaka was promoted for suggesting a new colour for the website.

The Leader clapped.

The website stayed the same colour.

The technocrat now grows tomatoes on his balcony.

THE GRAND FINALE – BURNING HAVELI, SAME PHOTO

Every Bollywood fan knows the scene.

The haveli is on fire. Crackling flames. Smoke stinging the eyes.

The family flees in a honking SUV.

And Ramu Kaka?

He runs into the flames – no fire extinguisher, no plan – to save the old family portrait.

In Mauritius, our political Ramu Kakas do the exact same thing.
When the scandal hits the fan – whirrr, splat – he stands up.

His eyes water. His lower lip trembles. He takes the microphone and whispers: “Main aapke liye, Boss. I take full responsibility. He knew nothing.”

He takes the bullet.

He resigns from one board.

He disappears for six months – to a beachfront villa with a golden tray.

And then?

He's back. Chairman of a brand-new board.

Same sarkar. Same tray. Same vacant nod. Same faint smell of chai and survival.

He never learns to put out the fire.
He just saves the photo – again, and again, and again.

SO… WHAT’S THE MORAL?

Don't blame the Ramu Kaka.

He is not the villain. He's just playing the game he was taught.

The villain is the system that rewardsmnodding over knowing, loyalty over competence, tea-tray holders over truth-tellers.

And the Leader?

He'll take the credit for the chai – "I made it myself, you know" – and blame the Ramu Kaka for the fire.

And Chote Malik?

Oh, he'll be fine. He just bought a new German car. Cash. The interior smells of leather and impunity.

And you?

You pay taxes. You watch the news. You shake your head.

And then you nod.

Just like Ramu Kaka.

Now please – pass the biscuits.

The good ones. With the cream in the middle.

We’re going to need them.